If you know anything about my story, you’ll know I went through some pretty dark times for a good 3-4 years when my marriage and family split up. There were times I questioned what I was even doing any of this for, and felt very scared and alone. I became someone I didn’t even know anymore. And basically everything I was afraid of happening? It happened.
I used to look at other people’s happy families on social media (yes, I know social media is all fake,) and would see people post things like, “I love my life!” I didn’t love my life, and honestly there were times I didn’t feel any hope that I would ever again. I wondered many times if I would ever get to say those words again and mean it. I had to hide a lot of happy families from my social media feeds because it was hurting my soul too much.
Every setback, every disappointment, every frustration, every scary moment…I pictured myself getting back up again like (don’t laugh) the Terminator, after it rises up from the flaming wreckage, melted down to a metal skeleton after being shot down for the hundredth time, because that’s what I truly felt like. The Terminator had one single mission, one focus, and you can bet your ass it was going to get that job done. That was me, except my mission was to barely hold it together. And (spoiler alert?) although the Terminator does lose at the end of the movie, that visual of getting up – AGAIN – out of the flames to fight again, was what kept me going and never giving up, even when I wanted to.
Then suddenly, over the last year it’s like the sun has started peeking out of the clouds. I feel a little more in control again. Things are peaceful again. I’m happier and life is starting to feel good again. When I see “love my life” posts online, I’m starting to think, “same!”
This day at Belcarra was pretty much the best I have felt in years. I did a hike and an afternoon/evening by the water in the sun. It was a beautiful day, I was with a good friend, the rose was good, and everything felt right. (I kept saying, “This is the best day ever!”)
So for the sake of not always being fake online, I wanted to share this as a little message of hope that things do get better. Those dark times might last a loooooong time, but they will end. Don’t give in, don’t let it make you weak. Get up from the flaming wreckage and keep going, even if you have to do it again, and again, and again…
The sun always comes out after the darkest night – trust me.
#itgetsbetter #herecomesthesun #ilovemylife #theterminator
Girl on the Side 